I'm Nervous.

December 20, 2020

3:30 PM

In my last post, I talked about how I was to start my next competition prep soon...tomorrow to be exact.

And while the overwhelming emotion is excitement, I can’t help but feel nervous as well. And nervous for a multiple of reasons, too.

The Revealing

I feel ready to begin prep. I’ve accomplished all that I wanted beforehand; I increased my food intake by over 1,000 calories, I gained a healthy amount of weight, put on muscle, and worked on my relationship with food.

My excitement comes from the fact that I can’t wait to see how much my hard work has paid off. I can’t wait to trim down and see my physique; to see how much muscle I put on. However, this same reveal is what makes me nervous.

What if I didn’t put enough muscle on? What if I look exactly the same, and I’m not competitive at all on stage?

Being a natural athlete makes it harder to put on muscle and it takes months and months to do so.

What if this year wasn’t enough?

My Social Life (or Lack Thereof)

The second thing I’m nervous about is keeping up with the social side of things. COVID has already made it difficult to keep relationships going (or starting), and now I have prep-life to add to it. Spending multiple hours in the gym, not being able to eat whatever whenever, and then feeling tired and emotionally unstable. None of these makes it easy to be sociable and start a relationship.

I don’t want another year to go by where I don’t date. I don’t. But I also know I won’t give up competing just to date either. Let’s just hope Mr. Right is the type of man who also lives at the gym and has a ton of patience LOL (see Dating a Bodybuilder).

I do have to say that I’m not worried about keeping my relationships with my friends and family. They were with me during my last competition preps, and I know that they will support me still.

(By the way, if you’re reading this, I’d like to extend a very special ‘thank you’ for being here, and I’m going to apologize ahead of time for the emotional rollercoaster I put you on LOL Love you!).

The New Job

I’m nervous about going through prep with my new job. I’ll be honest, while my last job was great, it didn’t require me to be 100% on my mental game all the time. What I mean is that I was able to still perform my job while being in a low-carb brain fog. “Prep brain” was bad for months, and yet I still functioned at work.

My new job is different; it requires me to be sharp and to remember and to be patient with people I speak to every day.

My new job is different; it requires me to be sharp and to remember and to be patient with people I speak to everyday.

Knowing this, I’m already putting in place preventative measures to help me and to prevent as much of “prep brain” as possible, but when those shows are near, it’s going to be hard for sure.

Going Backwards

The final thing I’m fearful about is honestly the biggest. I’m nervous that I’m going to ruin my relationship with food again. I’m nervous that I might have bingeing episodes, and that I won’t be able to eat out and enjoy meals like I do now with a clean conscience.

My biggest comfort, however, is knowing that the underlying factor for eating disorders such as mine, is being emotionally and mentally unhappy. Yes, being too restrictive with calories is also a reason, but not dealing with those psychological problems is even more significant.

And I’m happy to say that the psychological problems I have, have been resolved or are being resolved. I don’t feel the need to turn to food to ease the feeling of loneliness or unhappiness.

Knowing this, and knowing how strong my faith is now, really eases this fear and all fears if I’m to be honest.

I Can Do This

The fact of the matter is, I’ve done this before.

I’ve done this alone, without the knowledge and awareness I have now. I’ve done this without the coach I have now; without knowing who was supporting me.

And I’ve done this without having full faith in God. I know He is there with me at all times, and I know I’m going to be just fine.

I’ve done this before. I will do it again. And this time, I’ll be better. No matter the outcome.

LET’S GO.

Raise your glasses, everyone, and cheers. Here’s to getting shredded again.

Here’s To Health.