My Body is a Vessel.

December 4, 2021

2:00 PM

8 Months Ago

It’s been almost 8 months since I decided to end my competition prep. Eight months since I reported to a coach, had macros given to me every day, and had cardio assigned.

But not being on competition prep didn’t mean that I stopped continuing to restrict, track my macros, or do cardio.

In fact, for 7 of those 8 months, I somehow managed to keep tabs on myself- monitor myself with my own sheer will.

In those first six months, I kept my weight relatively the same. Sure, it fluctuated here and there, but I didn’t gain a massive amount, and I was able to enjoy life. I even got a boyfriend!

At the end of month six, however, I decided to do a “mini cut” to shed a little body fat for my upcoming birthday.

And for six weeks, I dieted. Hard. I restricted too much too fast, did too much cardio, and tried to balance having a long-distance relationship on top of it all. This insane restriction and stress caused me to spiral, and I started to resort back to my old binging habits.

The worst part of it all was that I hardly lost any weight for all my efforts. Like when I was in prep, my body just wasn’t responding so once again, I stopped.

A few days after I decided to not continue my cut, I was honored to be brought on for a live Q & A on the MindPump Media podcast.

My question was this, “How can I fix my metabolism without putting on more muscle?”.

My question was this, “How can I fix my metabolism without putting on more muscle?”.

While my exact question wasn’t answered, the guys at MindPump made it very clear that my body still hasn’t recovered from my first competition prep…

(For those who are not aware, I was kept by an old coach at 1200 calories for almost 10 months doing about two hours of cardio a day. I went from 150 pounds to 112 during this time.)

These guys told me what I knew deep down I had to do; I had to stop dieting. I had to stop tracking macros, stop weighing myself, and give my body time to trust itself again and just focus on strength training 2-3 times a week.

Not going to lie, hearing this advice from these guys (whom I very much admire), was such a relief. It was almost like they gave me the permission that I so desperately needed to give myself.

And so, for the last month I have done exactly what they’ve told me to do…

Today

I haven’t tracked a single thing. No more cardio, no more weighing, and I added on the additional, no more looking at myself in the mirror.

My complete and total focus is strength in the gym and enhancing the other important aspects of my life.

And what a blessing it has been! I attained and started a new job. I’ve been making wonderful memories with my boyfriend, family, and friends especially since it’s now the holiday season.

I’ve hit PRs in almost all my lifts at the gym, and I just have never been happier and more appreciative for this life that God has given me.

Of course, letting go of control also means accepting the consequences.

I’ve gained weight. I know I have. I may not know how much, nor do I look at myself in the mirror, but I feel very uncomfortable right now.

I’ve gained weight. I know I have.

I also don’t like that I’m not as in shape and my endurance is awful. I miss feeling like a weapon, and there are many, many times every DAY in which I feel disgusted with myself.

And it takes a lot to get rid of these negative thoughts because I know what I can be- what I can look like, and I miss the GRIND of being on a diet and doing cardio.

My Support

Luckily, I have the best supporters in my life. Between my boyfriend, my best friend, and my family, they all know exactly what to say. They all remind me that this is a necessary time in my life to HEAL my body, and they all say that once my body trusts me again, is healthy again, I’ll be back and better than ever.

Besides this amazing support, I also have my faith in God to help me get through my doubts.

2 Timothy 2:21 states “…he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.”

2 Timothy 2:21 states “…he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.”

I continually remind myself that my body is a vessel to house the Holy Spirit. God doesn’t care how many striations are in my muscles or whether I have a six pack or not. He cares only that I am healthy enough to share His word.

This includes my mental health as well as my physical health. If I’m to improve my relationship with food, get my body to trust I won’t starve it again, I need to give it the nourishment and time it needs.

My Reminder

THIS is my constant reminder to myself: my body is temporary, God is forever, and He will love me no matter what my body fat percentage is.

I also keep reminding myself that this is a means to an end. In a year or so from now, when I’m ready to start dieting again, my body will be able to respond in a much better way. I’ll be able to eat in a deficit without my macros being too low, and I won’t be forced to do an excess amount of cardio.

But for now, I’ll remain focused on fulfilling the other, more important things in my life.

So...

...Here’s to Health. Cheers.